10 Things I Know About “Flight Rising”

Recently my fiancee and almost all my friends have been getting into a browser game called “Flight Rising”. This is what I have gleaned about it by being in the same room with people who are playing it:

1) It is a game about dragons.

1a) You win if you have the prettiest dragon.

1b) If a dragon is not pretty enough, it loses and must be sacrificed to the Dark Gods.

2) Some dragons are potatoes.

2a) Of this class, there is a subclass of “sweet potatoes”. These are the most powerful           and delicious of all dragons.

3) Dragons sometimes wear waistcoats.

3a) Potatoes sometimes wear waistcoats.

4) Dragons can have familiars.

4a) Familiars are trusting and intelligent creatures who you must speak to every day in         order to keep them happy.

4b) After a familiar’s trust has been gained and you are friends, the next thing to do is to      take them to a dark magician and melt them down for spare parts.

5) Dragons can breed and have babies.

5a) When two pretty dragons mate, their babies are almost certainly horrifically ugly.

5b) Ugly baby dragons must be named, cared for and then quickly sacrificed to the Dark        Gods in order to prevent the spread of their contagion.

5c) Dragons are terrible parents and have no emotional connection to their children.       Their faces are expressionless when their children are taken away to be sacrificed.

6) Dragons can be genetically modified in exchange for gold.

6a) This is expensive, and in order to afford the treatments, dragons are made to fight          other creatures.

7) Dragons are sentient, they have thoughts, feelings and emotions. Dragons are not human, therefore dragons are not people.

7a) Thus when players trade dragons, they are technically not engaging in “slave       trading”

8) Flight Rising is neither addictive nor compulsive.

9) People who play flight rising exercise their free will by staying up late into the night playing Flight Rising.

10 They just want to have their dragons pit-fight for long enough to afford their         plastic surgery. They will come to bed soon.

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10 Things I Know About “Flight Rising”

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